monkey see-eth, monkey doeth...

i think that's probably how that quote originated, in times of "yore", or something...

well, i'm starting a little blog here that i am certain to never maintain, but my favorite girl just started one and i'm a bit bored myself so it's inspired me to start my own as well. i actually, according to blogger.com's records, have been a member since september of 2007, and well, this is my first post so we can see how that good intention didn't amount to... well... shit.

so i'm back in the states, have been for awhile now, and you know those times in your life where you have epiphanies?? well, this has not been one of those seasons for me. we all have those occurences, plans that are coming up for the future and you see it as some sort of breeding ground for epiphanies and life direction. that was of course how i viewed my trip home. i figured i'd glean some sort of something that would give me the clarity to figure out what my next step was, i.e. what i'd 'be doing and/or where i'd be living next year. well, that has not happened. so far, everything has been such a whirlwind that i've had little to no time to get a feel for anything, let alone get a specific direction down. i kinda feel like i'm on a rushed vacation. go go go and not enough time. the one thing that i've gotten out of this is that i don't really miss berlin badly, which means i could move back to the states and be fine not being in europe i suppose, but i do miss it over there, and most of all i miss the big city.

what is it about big city life that appeals to so many people, present company included. is it the inaccessability that you have once you are a face in the crowd? is it that oppressive "regard des autres" that sartre would refer to, which, though it's not the case, seems refreshingly absent in big cities. anonymity. you can just be you, and the people around you don't really care (some also wouldn't care if you were alive or dead, but that's a different topic....).

how it is though that "big city people" evolve into such is a mystery to me. one guess i have is that depending on where you come from, a small town or big town (i come from a small town (by american standards, 25,000 people or so....), you decide that you either love it or hate it there, and then once that's decided, you either stay or never go back. i suppose that is quite an over-simplified version, but it seems to hold true to form somewhat.

well, i'm going to end this blog on that note. feel free of course to share your own opinions should you have any regarding what has been posted. take care